Helen Arney with Mr Simmonds, featuring Professor Elemental - Animals

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I’ve been watching your behaviour
And I think you’re in the mood
So if you’re lonely, well I’m here to save ya
Let’s get out of here and get us a room

Let’s make love like animals
I think you know what I’m talking about
Let’s make love exactly like other animals
Get your zoology textbook out

Lets make love like rabbits, a hundred times a week,
Let’s make love like hedgehogs – you know – carefully
Let’s make love like salmon living in fresh water
You leave it in the bath I’ll come and pick it up later

Let’s make love like animals - like dogs, doggiestyle
It’s been happening since the stone age - like cats – also doggiestyle
Let’s make love exactly like other animals - but mostly like dogs
Open up that Wikipedia page

Let’s make love like Angler Fish, yeah
It’s kind of complicated but it’s worth it
You use your highly developed olfactory sense to swim towards me for several days
And then you bite me
That releases an enzyme that then dissolved your skin & your flesh & your… fins…
Leaving only a pair of genitals attached to the side of my body
For me to use
When it’s convenient.

I’ve been waiting to find someone so animalistic
Misunderstood just because I like badgers and whippets
And seagulls and snails, who incidentally fire love darts
Well I’ve brought some chocolates
If you like them I’ll dance like a squid
Or croon like a humpback whale
Let’s make passionate love, a beast with two tails
Or a porcupine – I’ll spray you with wee and if you don’t scream we’ll get to it
Actually, skip that one, let’s not do it

Let’s get it on like pygmy chimpanzees
You know – constantly
Not rest until we’ve done some things that even seem odd to me

I am the man to put the “ooh” in “zoology”
You can be my queen I’m the drone in our colony
But let’s leave the metaphor there because as everybody knows
When a gentleman bee is done his genitals explode

Oh no, I’ve said too much, now I’m alone, confused, waiting
Like a self-cloning lizard, too much pseudo-copulation

Let’s make love like animals, yeah - like squirrels in heat
It’s like a biology GCSE – but sexy - I’ve done my naughty coursework
I know what will get you in the mood to love like an animal - yes?
I’ll get out my David Attenborough DVDs, yeah - mmmm, David
So we’re sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea - oh, god yes
This is not getting us anywhere
I’ve never seen a praying mantis in HD
God, did you see what she did afterwards, she ripped his head off and ate it! Dear god…
Do you wanna?
I guess we’ll end up being the same animals we’ve always been.


from Geek Like Me, released March 11, 2011
Helen Arney - music, lyrics, vocals & ukulele - helenarney.com
Mr Simmonds - production & mixing - mrsimmonds.bandcamp.com
Professor Elemental - guest MC - professorelemental.com



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